Landscape Mitch is building our yard. Heavy equiptment is involved as is major renovation to our surrounding area. Landscape Mitch is quite a caricature. He runs by his own clock, what we have deemed as Landscape time. You would think one doing yard work would thrive during the daylight hours. Not Landscape, he is nocturnal. Has a habit of showing up right at dinner time. With his affinity to working in the dark in the soil, I reckon his ancestors were moles. He is quite proud of his digging ability, and of the tools he uses to do so.
My boys are quite taken with Landscape. He speaks to them as adults and is using them as his "crew". K1 was delighted to find out Landscape is also dyslexic and as also had the same special tutor help him learn to read. From inside my house I can hear the sound of the bobcat running, then the sound of it's engine idle, followed by a sharp whistle as Landscape waits for one of my boys to move what ever object is in his way or for the rock he has just unearthed to be picked up.
Every afternoon when Landscape finally shows up with his ever faithful companion Magic, his black labador retriever, he first holds a briefing meeting with my boys. "Today crew we are going to tackle the front drainage crest area. K2, you move all the bikes out of the way while I start up the cat. K1 wait for my signal and start a new rock pile east of the house." Then they get a couple of good hours of labor in. Before leaving each night, Landscape leaves directions for his crew to accomplish before he returns. The first night after work it was, "Before tomorrow afternoon I want to see all the shovels picked up, the garden hose wound up, and the wheelbarrow put away." "And don't play with the bobcat", he tells them. "Who is Betty?", my youngest son, K2 asks, not hearing the ending of Landscapes last sentence. "And why can't we play with her?" "NO", answers Landscape, "Don't play on the bobcat while I'm not here". "Ok, but can Betty play on your bobcat?", is their next query from K1. "NO", Landscape is losing patience, but his frustration eggs my kids on, "NO one, not even Betty can play on my bobcat while I am gone. "You named your bobcat Betty?", K2 questions. "Oh Betty!! My Betty!! Kiss-kiss!!", the boys taunt Landscapes retreating form as he stomps away towards his truck. Landscape opens the door for his dog to climb in with him and trys one last time. "Stand away from the bobcat and noon will be hurt." "Don't worry Landscape, Betty is safe with us".
My boys have started a photo journal of Betty's secret life during the hours Landscape is not here with her. Using my ditgital camera they painted and constructed a large "For Sale-Cheap" sign and propped against her and snapped a shot. Then a "Rides 1 Buck" sign. Wearing black face masts as to hide their identity, we took a picture of K2's legs sticking out from what looks like underneath Betty as if run over with "ketchup" blood splattered on the ground and K1's back side as he runs away from the crime scene. The boys placed their dirt bike ramp jumps in front of Betty and scratched what looks like tire burn out marks behind her back tires as if they were performing trick jumps with her. I parked my jeep facing Betty and the picture of the boys playing chicken with Betty vrs. jeep turned out hillarious. One shot they are standing on her roof holding fireworks. K2 whent so far as to pose so it looked like he was driving her naked and holding a beer while wearing his ski mask.
We hope Landscape enjoys the book we will give him once he has finished our yard, and Betty leaves our foster care. We know Betty yearns for this fun lifestyle, instead of being a beast of burden. If not, and you don't here from me for a while, please come dig threw our yard were the big tire marks end come spring will you?
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
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4 comments:
you come up with the weirdest ideas. Sick twisted and hillarious.
Landscapers, for the most part, are interesting or intelligent people who use their profession to further the cause of morning and afternoon beer drinking. Theirs is the phrase “I’m not drunk, I just had a sixer between lawns”.
Todd Vodka
http://www.blithelywego.blogspot.com/
Thanks MJ, few people know that this goofy smile I walk around with is caused internally.
Todd, that explains all the Miller cans this guy has unearthed. Didn't think I had drank that many.
Unfortunaly though I might of scared poor drunken mole landscape dude away. After dinner with us he left his dog inside for the boys to play with. When I heard "Cake" playing "Rock and Roll Lifestyle", I ran downstairs to turn it up. As I was dancing and singing along, Magic the black lab butted in on my dance so I let her join me. Anyone who's ever danced with a dog knows labs excell in hulla dancing. I am bent over at the waist as to maintain eye contact with my dance partner, and wiggling my hinny in circular motions, singing like crazy when I flip the hair out of my eyes and see Landscape standing in the hall outside the bathroom staring openmouthed. He was as embarrast at catching me in such an aquward position as I felt at being seen. When I looked back at Magic, she looked away and avoided my eyes, feeling shame at being caught dancing with me. Oh well, so much for my Magic Dance.
Have you heard Cake's new album? I particularly like "no phone" and "dime" The Cd's a little wierd as it doesn't sound as if it were recorded in a bathroom stahl, but it still has the same essence of cake. (I like cake)
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